If he doesnt call/text then he isnt interested and you can leave it at that. Asking nicely doesnt erase that. Only he didnt stop asking me out. I do know that she had been coming in once or twice a week for months before anyone made a move, and I know they had been chatting a lot more than your average employee and customer would chat (to the point that I wonder how he wasnt reprimanded for not doing his work). The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. A better idea would be to go b No. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. At least if I was cleaning up aisles or stocking shelves, I could pretend to escape into the backroom. The women always gave me their number and let it be known they werent doing anything on Thursday or whatever. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). Slightly OT but those ads were my free entertainment when I was unemployed. Could, please, the downvoters explain why they do so ? You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. If you put someone in an awkward position by asking them out when you arent really sure if theyre interested, then you probably shouldnt be mandating (even in your head) how they are to respond. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. ..what country do you live in? And the people who are psychic: youre misunderstanding their friendly customer service smile as interest. But regardless of where the pendulum swings, they are stuck behind that counter, so theres a power issue. Correct. The majority of guys were creepy and it was a huge irritant, especially if they were repeat offenders. Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. LOL did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. No I haven't idk if I want her getting wind of my intentions instead of it seeming spontaneous. Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience. Too much overthinking going on here. The player must time their shot accurately, mix in the right, To get the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, purchase the Arcane Expansion Pack (DLC) from the Xbox Marketplace. What the worst that could happen from politely and not creepily seeing what happens next from this real world connection? Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. He gave me his number and I called him to make plans. Youve got the people who say Please no! I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. And if she did come back at a later time and ask you for coffee, it would be a very great surprise. In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. This is so uncomfortable to me. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. I was thinking the same thing. The whole youre great, I want to get to know you, total stranger I buy my latte from is understood by 98% of the population as I want to date you, which is, to 98% of the population, implying sexual interest at some point (and the asexuals I know make it upfront that theyre NOT after a sexual thing). How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. Thats a good practice for people. Oh man! Is there a generic term for these trajectories? Across the Country. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. I dont understand why asking someone out has to be interpreted as some sort of sexual/relationship-driven ritual. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. I dont know if I get hit on very often, Probably not since most of the male customers are either 5 years younger then me or at least 15 years older then me. And I am interested in this person is not exactly placing the Objective Viewpoint Ray on high beams in illuminating whether the nice person at the store is, in fact, genuinely interested. Don't. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually sig My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. The cashier will also talk to you. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. Its her job to make connections with her customers and, you know, be nice. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this. - This is a **positive community**. Id go even lower than your suggestion though, which still sounds like a clear request for a date. By doing this, you will actually get more insight regarding whether she likes you or she is just being polite. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. You typically only hear those kind of stories with hookers and johns (because youre not going to the cops to report a pimp robbing you) but I assume it happens to regular people too. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Start with neutral topics (the weather is an evergreen) and see what her response is. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. My advice would be to tentatively engage in a light cashier-related conversation, even if it's just a "Hello again" and a pleasant smile. But what if you realllly like this person? Use a bell on the door to let you know when new customers have arrived, so that you can be sure to greet them promptly. As a guy, I dont worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. ask her out. Alisons advice on how to make it low-pressure is good. tru dat mirth!!.. Privacy Policy. So it didnt seem as creepy as when patrons would say you have a really beautiful smile. Which I do, but dont want to hear from a stranger. Youre not leaping from someone making your latte to a dinner date, AND youre not forcing them to respond right away, you know, when theyre working. I came of age during a time where it was new and shocking for women to take planes, trains and automobiles on their own. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. Or (Im being serious here, even though Im in my later 30s) add him on Facebook? Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like I just checked it for my area, and, sure enough I delivered your pizza last night; you were in a swimsuit. My brother-in-law met the woman hes about to propose to when he was an employee at a grocery store and she was a customer. Hardly altruism; that works in mens' favor too. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women.. Unfortunately theres always the potential that someone could turn into a stalker. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. There's this cute girl at a local shop that I visit every day. The whole thing was awkward (dude who are you and why are you asking me out after literally 1 minute of interaction?) But STILL. I get enough catcalls on the streets. Arrange to run in to someone as they are leaving, but asking them out in their place of employment is frankly awful. Q: What should I do after taking a cashier on a date? I flirted and flirted with himI mean REALLY laid it on thick and I couldnt figure out why he wasnt responding. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. I named myself after Moss because I missed him. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. If hes staring at the OP its more likely because he thinks the OP is a potential shoplifter than because hes romantically interested. But he wasnt asking her out. and after a few encounters we started really talking if there was no other customers around. Above all else, be respectful, kind and courteous no matter what their response is. And man did that sting. If you're awkward around women, and the cashier is the only girl talking to you in your whooooole entire life, then try shopping in another supermarket. Be bold with your words if possible but dont be too overt or desperate. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. Please dont hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. Hi, OP here. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. Im in the camp that thinks its OK to politely ask someone out even if theyre working, but obviously many other differ. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. Youre the second person to mention Facebook. OP here, Im female and not crazy :). She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. The last time I was in, I said it was weird we didnt know each others names by now, so I told her mine and got hers and the other cashiers she was talking to. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. What are the advantages of running a power tool on 240 V vs 120 V? What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. I got hit on constantly at this job and hated it, but this guy was different and I always looked forward to seeing him. I just want to do my job and part of that job is being nice to people and making sure they are enjoying our services. Still, +1 for your analysis and advice to the OP. That way he can take or leave the indirect invitation and doesnt have to feel uncomfortable. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. So cool how well they turned out. Special issue: when one is working, one has to do ones job or get fired. When I was newly single (and loving it) after an early, long marriage, I ended up chatting regularly with a nice and nice-looking young man who worked in the produce department of my usual grocery store. This x a million. Ugh. ? pile. I had to go back to the store later that week to pick something up. Keep a close eye on who listens intently to what youre saying, and who just wants to hear themselves talk. (sorry if posting links is not ok; its a Captain Awkward post entitled, Blanket Statement: Stop Hitting on the Waitress so you could google that. But we can't comment more on that without knowing some specifics. Learning how to read the defense, Al Haitham Genshin is 8 years old. Last sentence should read: Id be flattered, even if I was NOT interested. And all kinds of stuff in-between. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. The customer may never know if the employee wasnt interested or just couldnt make it, which can be tough, but it also means the customer cant take it personally. An awkward situation she is placed in repeatedly by men, through no doing of her own and with no way to prevent it, due to their sex drives. So sorry to say, for me at least, the perceived romantic connections were not real. I never watch the show. Thats a great approach. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. A Woman, traveling alone!!! But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. Or if she can recommend some better-tasting cookies. There are a million variables here. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. That person is required be there and is required to be attentive/kind to you and to every other customer. It was awkward, but I realize now that Im probably better off. Thats sad. I think the thing here, is thatlike someone posted upthreadhitting on versus asking out and what constitutes the line between them is subjective. I realize this situation is reversed, but when I was single if I was asked out at the center the answer was, Im sorry, thats not allowed. Also, you werent allowed to give out your contact information either. Here's where you'll go wrong, due to these butterflies, oh man -. Just be polite. This is how normal people meet, during the course of a normal day. Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). Im sure the OP isnt looking to treat the worker like a piece of meat for their amusement. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. You want to court her. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. Hmm Im on the fence here. If theyre creepy, weird, or not someone Id be interested in getting to know better, theres an easy out. I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). Boy do I have horror stories. Im gonna join the dont do it! train. My older sister took a bank teller job when I was in my early teens and I recall her complaining of guys hitting on her simply because she was pleasant in manner and appearance. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Sure. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at you because she has costumers to help, you still need to get her attention in some way.. you could humiliate yourself by tossing things on the floor or use a I dont think most men handle being turned down poorly. My band's playing at the Speakeasy this Thursday, and I wanted to let you know about it. It only takes a minute to sign up. The girl in the booth at the post office will also talk to you. As someone who works in customer service and is literally paid to be nice to you, please dont do it. One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. A perfectly well-kempt, apparently reasonable, gainfully employed and up-till-this-point-calm-and-polite man can and will suddenly turn into an epithet-hurling, personal-space-invading, boundary-crossing scary jerk when the words thanks, but no are uttered. Video games. Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. I suggest you consider the following: Is she especially nice to you, or is that her normal behavior with many customers? I have no doubt that there are some rare instances where this has worked out and the couple is now happily married with three kids and a dog and a white picket fence. The degrees of freedom available to signify attraction are few. Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. I didnt realize what i had, made her second, and betrayed her.. now that shes gone i feel shes the 1. Talk about power dynamics. So I met this girl who is a cashier at a local store and shes really cute. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. I worked a lot of retail jobs during middle school, high school, and college, and its unbelievable how many people misinterpret someone being polite and friendly as flirting. Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? It is so awkward for the person behind the counter on so many levels, and honestly, if it were me back when I was working retail Id be terrified that if I said no, youd do something to get me written up or contact the district manager to get me fired. Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. Surely there is someone out there like me, who is genuine and can take a no.? Can I use the spell Immovable Object to create a castle which floats above the clouds? :). Theres also the fact that we dont know the OPs gender, and we dont know if this is opposite sex flirtation. Its not so much that its every man or even most men as that its frequent enough, and WHICH man it is is totally unpredictable. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? Ask and offer advice for specific dating situations. He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). Q: What should I do if the cashier rejects my invitation? By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. The thing is that you seem to be looking at this as though these two people are meeting as equals, but theyre not. Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. what are the minimum benefits an employer needs to provide? This was in the rural South and I was a very, very closeted gay woman. do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. She gets a free meal outta this deal so no girl in there right mind would turn you down unless you have come off as a creeper in the past, or she has a boyfriend. For example maybe she likes art and you can suggest to her going to an art gallery together. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. It may not be inflicting major pain, but its still annoying and uncomfortable to have to deal with that at work, especially if youre in a position where you cant walk away after the encounter. I work at Barnes and Noble, and I am shocked at how often I get hit on/asked out. If youre looking to get your hands on the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, then youre in luck! Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? Q: What is Lindy Hop? Martial arts class. but its great that you remained friendly. Well, hes not at all flirtacious and if he were I doubt that Id take him seriously. It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on.

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